in a few hours time, the JAE result will be out! oh gosh.. how??
the day has finally cum.. to most ppl, they are jux so excited and cant wait to noe their posting results. but for me, if im given a choice, i wish i could.. jux dun go and find out wad's the result. i dun wan! i dun dare! i seriously duno wad will happen to me once again.. can i ever take it?? will i get wad i wan? whr will i be? wad happen after this? wad will happen if i didnt managed to get it?? will it turned out to be better or worst? (why the heck am i thinking so much?!) hmph. no one noes how afraid im, no one noes how scared im to face this, no one noes how scary it is to see the result alone wif no one by my side, no one can, no one will..
is it really no one or is it jux me again? refusing to open up and talk to them? it is lyk i see everyone is busy wif their stuff, i cant..i jux cant ask them to take some time off to listen and tok to me.. i dun wan them to stop wad they plan to do jux b'cos of me.. i will feel very bad abt it. sat at hangout3 to waste time since i dun wish to go home and it jux happened again.. think think think. feel lyk crying but i shldnt.. i tried so hard to stop thinking abt lada thingy but i jux cant~.. do u noe how difficult it is to let go and forget abt something? do u noe how much i wish i could jux forget and move on?? but i jux realised how timid and toopid im, acting to be strong and fine in front of others.. is thr anyone who can understand wad's going thru my mind wifout me having to say them all out? i jux find them so difficult to be expressed. i tried to tell but words jux dun cum out.. all i said most of the time were "nth nth nth.."; "dunno dunno dunno.."
anyway, i didnt tell anyone abt a dream i had which frightened me.. here goes the dream.. choose to see or not, it's up2u la. i dreamt tt the day of posting was out and i went to check on net la. was filled wif confidence tt i will be able to get into the first choice of my JAE..(sounds so unlyk me now..) BUT! sadly, i didnt get into that and i got into the 6th choice.. among all choices, why 6th!!!!? is my result tt bad?? AH!!!!!!!!! tt's really scary for me cos i hav nv nv imagine me getting into tt choice at all! i noe it's jux a dream but it's very scary and it's still in my mind now.. i cant get over it..
so wad's wrong wif me? any idea? im
lost honestly.. shh.
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